Daring the turning point: why we get stuck before a change

By Bané Dioukhane · 5 min read

You've known it for a while.

This job doesn't feel like you anymore. That project has been sitting in a corner for two years. That conversation keeps getting pushed to next week. You don't need anyone to tell you something has to change. You already know.

And yet, you don't move.

It isn't laziness. It isn't a lack of ambition. And contrary to what you read everywhere, it isn't simply a "lack of courage" either. It's more specific than that, which is good news: what is specific can be worked on.

The turning point isn't the problem. The waiting is.

Most people I work with don't come to me at the turning point. They come when they're stuck just before it. In that uncomfortable zone where the old no longer works and the new has no shape yet.

That zone has three features:

1. We wait for certainty. We tell ourselves we'll move once we're sure. Sure it's the right time, the right option, the right plan. But certainty never comes before action. It comes during, and often after.

2. We confuse thinking with moving forward. We read, compare, talk about it, rewrite the list of pros and cons. It all feels like progress. In reality, we're going round in circles with a lot of energy.

3. We tell ourselves it's not the right time. There's always a good reason: year-end, the kids, the current project, the economy. These constraints are real. But sometimes they become a comfortable shelter.

If you recognise yourself in at least one of these, you're not behind. You're exactly where the work begins.

What "daring" means in The DKN Method

The DKN Method rests on three movements: Dare · Know Yourself · Navigate.

You might think "daring" is the dramatic part: quitting, dropping everything, jumping into the void. That's not what I mean.

Daring means agreeing to look at the situation as it really is. Without the polished version we tell others. Without the dramatised version we tell ourselves at 2am.

It means asking the questions we avoid:

• What am I tolerating today that I don't want to tolerate a year from now?
• What am I really afraid of: failing, what others think, or succeeding and having to own it?
• If nothing changes, what does my life look like in three years? Am I OK with that?

These questions are simple. Answering them honestly isn't. That's why we sidestep them.

Dare comes first in the method for a reason: until we've faced reality, everything else (the assessment, the action plan, the goals) is built on sand.

Why an outside perspective changes everything

On our own, we often loop through the same patterns. We know our own arguments too well.

That's where the approach I've built comes in: a hybrid of coaching and mentoring.

• Coaching is the stance that lets you find your own answers. I don't decide for you. I ask the questions that shift your perspective.
• Mentoring is concrete input when it helps. With more than twenty years of professional experience, over fifteen of them in international finance and team management, I've been through career turning points, moves between countries and demanding new roles myself. When an experience can save you time, I share it.

Together, they avoid two pitfalls: coaching that stays abstract, and advice that imposes a solution that isn't yours.

Where to start, this week

You don't need to wait for a session to take the first step. Here's a simple exercise you can do on your own in twenty minutes.

Step 1 — Name the turning point. In one sentence, write down what you want to change. Not three goals. One. If you need more than one sentence, it isn't clear yet, and that's useful information in itself.

Step 2 — Name what's holding you back. List everything that stops you from moving forward. Then mark each item: fact or fear? "I don't have the budget" may be a fact. "I'm not legitimate" is almost always a fear.

Step 3 — Choose one action that takes less than 48 hours. Not a six-month plan. One action. Send a message, block an hour in your calendar, ask for a meeting, look into a course. Something small, but real.

The goal isn't to solve everything. It's to break the waiting. Movement creates clarity far more reliably than thinking alone.

In short

• Feeling stuck before a turning point is normal. It isn't a character flaw.
• Waiting for certainty, confusing thinking with action, and putting things off until "the right time" are the three most common traps.
• Daring starts with looking at the situation as it is.
• One concrete step beats a perfect plan that never starts.

You Can Do It. Not because it's easy. Because it's possible.

Bané Dioukhane is the founder of DKN Coaching & Consulting in Brussels. She supports people going through turning points with The DKN Method, a hybrid approach combining coaching and mentoring.